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Not Part of the Bigger Picture

Jeff Bell

Have you ever felt left out of the bigger picture? Let me ask that again: have you ever felt like you were a part of something but not entirely?

I have no idea what you’re talking about.

Okay, let me try and clarify a bit. You’re a part of something and you go about your life feeling like you know everything about that something, feeling like you’re a core part of it. However, you experience moments where you suddenly question whether you’re actually a part of it and instead just a bystander experiencing it from the outside.

I had a moment like that tonight and it was horrible.

Everyone experiences moments where they feel alone, or scared, or left out of something bigger and better. I’m not the type of person who always feels the need to be a part of the biggest and best things happening. Instead, I’m the guy who likes being a part of someone’s “happiest” moments. I want to experience those moments where things are “perfect” first hand.

And it kills me when I can’t be, especially with someone I care deeply about.

I can’t explain how much it destroys me inside when I see people I love and honestly care about enjoying themselves in a way I feel I’ve never been able to be a part of. I get that people should have fun and be happy when I’m not around, but it’s harder when I try to set up experiences with them that hopefully will result in those moments but ultimately end in less than stellar times.

You’re looking too much into this, you know.

Shut up, I know I am. I’m caring too much about something that I shouldn’t, but you can’t blame me for still being upset. It hurts. It hurts way more than I can put into words.

I know it does, but stop dwelling on it.

Well, tell me how you’d feel when you see someone you love who you feel you should be a part of their every moment enjoying their life without you having anything to do with it.

You’re being selfish. You need to let go of that aspect and realize that we as humans need others to fulfill us in different ways that you might not be able to. But don’t ever forget that you make them feel things that others can’t come close to.

It doesn’t make it feel any better.

Then maybe you need to understand yourself a bit better. Let go of certain aspects a bit more, let people find fleeting happiness in others. There’s nothing wrong with that.

I completely disagree with that.

Than you’re an idiot.

I disagree with that as well. I can’t help it if I want to be a part of every happy moment with someone I love. I can’t help it if I want to be the person taking the photo of them enjoying themselves way more than I feel I’ve seen in person.

I spend so much of my time and life trying to show someone how much I love them, how much they mean to me. It’s difficult when there are moments where I see and think about how happy they might be without me. It destroys me inside. It ruins any confidence I have as a human being.

Did you ever think their happiness in those moments is the result of the happiness you’ve given them in all of that time and effort?

No.

Maybe you should think about that more often.

Shut up…but…okay, maybe you’re right.

I know I am. Stop being so negative towards yourself. People deserve their own moments in their lives that are happy, positive, and joyful. You can’t be a part of EVERY one of them, despite how much you wish you were.

Let them be happy. Let them do their own thing. As long as they come back to you at the end of the day, be happy. You’re the one they chose to end their day with. That alone should speak more volumes.

I hate when you’re right.

I hate when you overthink things.

Fine, you win.

Good.

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